Except in bed...

I went to dinner with Eryn & Liz the other night at Eryn’s place (though it was Liz, Sue and I who did the cooking… work that one out…) and we had fortune cookies after dinner. For as long as I can remember, we’ve always got a laugh by adding “in bed” to the end of all the fortunes...

• Happy news is on its way to you in bed.
• Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you in bed.
• An iota of practice is better than tons of teachings in bed.
• People will believe most anything that is whispered to another in bed.
• One thing you can give and still keep is your word in bed.
• Raise your sail one foot and get ten feet of wind in bed.

But as XKCD points out, these are further “improved” not by adding “in bed” but “EXCEPT in bed”...

Random photos from my phone

So many days without an update... my apologies... Last week I was totally flat out with uni work, studying and the dreaded exams. Until Wednesday. When I had an exam, for which I had not studied nearly as much as I should have. Due to Janek.

Since my photo a day thing didn’t pan out, I’ve been taking photos of things only that catch my eye for being odd or funny. Here are some of the photos I’ve taken off my phone...

11 March 2008
This is me... first picture of my face on this blog… except I don’t have long hair anymore.


16 April 2008
“I’ve got a surprise for you!” Mum declared over the phone one day. “I bought you a new can opener,” she said. “Oh... um... thanks...” I stammered. “Umm... Mum... it’s not that I’m not grateful, but I already have one.” “How much did it cost?” she demanded. “I dunno, two dollars or something I think.” “Well,” Mum continued without missing a beat, “then when that dies in a week you can use the one I bought you.” Like a prophecy fulfilled, the cheap one soon died and it has been replaced by this machine of a can-opener... it is like a tank, I swear.


15 June 2008
The view from my smoking place... The door is the Space Cadet’s room... I’m going to do some kind of artwork of some kind from this photo...


18 June 2008
Candles from the Thai restaurant where Janek took me on The First Date.


24 June 2008
The Space Cadet’s CD player, at its final resting place in our garbage bin. I don’t even want to know what happened here.

“Christopher Robin, my feet are sore”

Just quickly, before I forget, I felt I should mention this little insight into the Space Cadet's psyche.

The title of this post is something I heard him say this afternoon, quite out of the blue, as he walked past my window. I had until now been only partially convinced that he was talking to himself, hoping against hope that he was just on the phone at all times, even when showering. But this is so bizarrely out there that I now not only worry for his sanity but also worry for my safety because when I see him next I am so worried I will start laughing which will in turn prompt him to beat the shit out of me.

123

Paul has “tagged” me to participate in the Page 123 escapade. In fact if you are a reader of his blog you may find this whole page is familiar t you. That’s because I copied and pasted his entire post…sorry Paul. The instructions are: “the mandate: pick up a book on the top of your book stack, turn to page 123, read the first five sentences, then post the next three sentences”.

The book I’m reading at the moment is called A time before me, by Michael Holloway Perronne, a really well written coming-of-age/coming-out story…

I knew I had to do it that way, or I would never get it out. There was silence on the other end for a couple of seconds.
“Come again?” she said flatly.

I tag Liz, Kate & Lance, Lou and Calla.

Dry lead a silly emit

I was watching Queer as Folk last night when suddenly subtitles appeared on the screen because I had sat on the remote. The DVDs are imported from China and they feature some of the most hillarious mis-translations I've had the privelage to encounter. Case in point:

That was hot! --> Too the fire exploded

Think so? --> Is?

You know, I’ve been here before. --> Is / I seem to lead the here

Oh? --> H'm

I mean in this building. Fucked some poor looser. --> I came this building / Dry lead a silly emit

Yeh well, the place is crawling with them, believe me, I know. --> This kind of silly to emit to get much is

One of my pity fucks. --> Are all I break the shoe

Yeh, speaking of pity fucks... --> Say you dry lead of break the shoe

You know, when we first hooked up at the gym, I wasn’t sure— --> At the gym and you meet ,I did not feel the...

—that I was your type? --> Am I the type that you like?

That you’d be so...hot. But man are you ever. Look, I’m still hard. You up for another round? --> Unexpectedly you so the fire explode / See, I m still crustily / Come to one more bureau

Actually there’s something I want to say to you. --> I have the words to say to you.

You want to roll me over and fuck me again? --> Want to turn over me dry I?

What I want to...what I want to say to you is...ah...roll over --> My......means to say the......to turn over to pass by!

Who am I?

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive. Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

Cool huh?

Amazing Grace...

...How sweet the sound

I’m not the kind of person who rants and raves about movies. You know the type, the ones who say “Oh my GOD, this is the BEST film I’ve EVER seen! You HAVE to see it! NOW!” I make the odd recommendation to friends and family, but I’m not in the habit of making public broadcasts about what movies people “must see”. I’ve just never felt the need to demand that others see films I have enjoyed.

Last night we watched the film Amazing Grace. I was a little sceptical at first, on hearing the title I was thinking perhaps it was one of Sister’s “religious” films. But I was pleasantly surprised. The film is about the parliamentary battle to abolish the slave trade in Great Brittain, spearheaded by William Wilberforce, and I loved it. I found out this morning that it is somewhat inaccurate, historically speaking, but it was a touching film nonetheless.

I usually don’t like historical films, particularly biographical ones…but this one was truly very moving and I recommend it to you all.

That’s all for now. More to come tonight.

The F-word

While I put on a good front of being a virtuous, innocent boy sometimes, the truth is that I have a really dirty mouth. Unsurprisingly, the F-word is one of the most common words to be found on my lips. I love it’s versatility. Last night I heard a song on Triple J that had Dad and I in stitches. Not only is it funny, but it’s interesting from a linguistic perspective. When I do my unit on functional grammar I should bring this in for the professor to play in a lecture. Anyway, I managed to track it down and download it (from the artist’s site no less) and I had to share the lyrics. If swearing isn’t your thing you may want to skip this post...

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language is the word fuck. Out of all of the English words that begin with the letter F, fuck is the only word that is referred to as the f-word. It’s the one magical word that, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, hate, and love.

Fuck, as most words in the English language is derived from German: the word fricken, which means to strike.

In English, fuck falls into many grammatical categories: as a transitive verb, for instance, John fucked Shirley; as an intransitive verb, Shirley fucks.

Its meaning’s not always sexual. It can be used as an adjective, such as John is doing all the fucking work; as part of an adverb, Shirley talks too fucking much; as an adverb enhancing an adjective, Shirley is fucking beautiful; as a noun, I don’t give a fuck; as part of a word, abso-fucken-lutely or in-fucken-credible; and as almost every word in a sentence, fuck the fucking fuckers.

As you must realise, there aren’t too many words with the versatility of fuck, as in these examples describing situation such as fraud, I got fucked at the used car lot; dismay, aw fuck it; trouble, I guess I’m really fucked now; aggression, don’t fuck with me buddy; difficulty, I don’t understand this fucking question; inquiry, who the fuck was that?; dissatisfaction, I don’t like what the fuck is going on here; incompetence, he’s a fuck off; dismissal, why don’t you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself?; I’m sure you can think of many more examples.

With all of these multi-purpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word? We say use this unique, flexible word more often in your daily speech. It will identify the quality of your character immediately. Say it loudly and proudly: fuck you!

You can download the song from Dub Dentist’s site.

Project 365: Australia

Good friends Liz & Kate have just launched the Project 365: Australia website. The idea is pretty simple:

Project 365: Australia is a diabetes themed project aimed at raising awareness of diabetes in Australia. The idea behind Project 365: Australia is that the participants take one photo a day for a whole year. The subject of these photos will be something diabetes related - a photo of a glucometer, insulin pump or a finger prick test, for example. At the end of the project the participants are encouraged to collate all their photos and send to a local politician or even the Prime Minister.

So if you’re diabetic, go along and have a look and register. If not, it’s an intriguing idea nonetheless. I’ve decided I’m going to do my own Project 365 and simply take a photograph every day for the next year, so that by this time next year I’ll have a record of a-year-in-my-life. I was going to have them centre around my experience of ME/CFS and fibromyalgia, however I realised there isn’t much that I can actually photograph except maybe a handful of pills and a shot of healthy-looking legs. So I’m going to make my personal Project 365 a reflection of my entire life, with ME/CFS and fibromyalgia forming a part of it, but not a focal point. I’ll post some of them on here (if I remember) as I go.

Update

Last week was my last week of lectures at uni; I am now in the “study vacation” (an oxymoron if ever I heard one) before exams next week. I have two exams, one on the Monday at 2pm, the other the following Saturday at 9am. If I find the masochist who put an exam on a Saturday I won’t be held responsible for my actions! So that is why I have been awol from the blog. I’ve also been involved in a dispute with Liz (in that she is in the dispute and I’ve been supporting her, not that the dispute has been between us), and the good old “big brother protector” has come out of me. Although she is always quick to point out that if anything I’m a “little brother protector”. Anyway I’ll try to keep posting over the exam period but I can’t promise anything radical. Oh and my printer up and died the other day. I’m not happy about that at all!

Random ramblings #17

This week I’ve been down to Pop’s house twice for general cleaning up. It’s so empty now, with only one piece of furniture in each room. Today we emptied out Pop’s workshop, taking a lathe to my cousin’s place. Dad and I arrived at Damien’s earlier than he did because he had to drop his mum off on the way, so we kept ourselves amused by conversing with the cat from nextdoor. It all started with her meowing at Dad, Dad meowing at her, her meowing at Dad again, and so forth. I was so captivated by this graceful creature that I whipped out my phone to take a few pictures. The one to the right is the best one I took.

I’ve finished all my assignments, I have one week of classes left, then a stuvac week (stuvac means study vacation—an oxymoron if ever I saw one), then two exams. I have one on a Monday at 9am (groan) and the other is the following Saturday at 1pm. I can’t wait for all to be over so I can go to the coast, go to the beach, maybe even visit Liz in Tasmania or my friends Kate & Lance in Queensland.

I put in my application for university housing on Thursday. I’ve spoken to both parents and they both think it’s a great idea and they’re willing to support me until I can get some government assistance when I turn 25 in 2009. Because I’m applying for special consideration I had to provide some kind of documentary evidence so I had a letter from my doctor and from the disabilities officer at uni. I handed them to the lady at the housing office and she said they were perfect. I asked when and how are offers made, she said that emails are sent out in the first week of January, but that I should find out sooner than that. This is a telling statement, because I know for a fact they don’t contact unsuccessful applicants because there are just so many of them. So I’m cautiously optimistic.

And in other news, imagine my surprise when I see that Best Gay Blogs has named this blog as “Blog of the Day” for the 18th October for my far too little, far too late post. Thanks so much guys, you made my day!

And that’s about it folks.

Pretend scrabble

While feeling horrible, I like to spend my afternoon with Liz playing pretend scrabble on facebook. The object is make up legitimate sounding words using yours letters, play them on the scrabble board, and then provide a legitimate sounding definition to the other player.

Here are the two games we did yesterday:

Game 1
Across:

• Ahutikuc (noun) – synonymous with the Hakka before NZ football games—Liz.
• Orwrite (adj) – the state of being ‘alright’ in cockney London—Liz.
• Taxsaya (noun) – someone who works in the taxation office—Liz.
• Clubmale (noun) – any male who frequents nightclubs—Dan.
• Beng (noun) – a ‘bang’ in South Africa—Dan.
• Hoser (noun) – someone who hoses—Dan.
• Ioner (noun) – someone who plays with ions—Liz.
• Pegmen (noun pl.) – the little dolls that children make out of pegs in preschool—Dan.
• Voip (noun) – the sound made by drinks vending machines when they dispense cans of soft drink—Dan.
• Dizle (noun) – something totally wanky that Mark Holden would say on Australian Idle—Dan.
• Dizles (noun pl.) – plural of above—Liz.
• Saderquo (noun) – sadness that comes from maintaining the status quo to ones disadvantage—Dan.
• Saderquoee (noun) – one who feels saderquo—Dan.

Down:

• Atioxacs (invariable noun) – the study of attacks by oxen—Dan.
• Netin (verb) – the act of catching a fish with a net—Liz.
• Cavinnetin (verb) – the act of catching a fish with a net in a cave—Dan.
• Raoma (noun) – a dyslexic person who roams (note that a non-dyslexic person who roams is a roama)—Liz.
• Afury (noun) – fury felt a-walkin’, a-talkin’ or any other action that is preceded by ‘a’—Liz.
• Le (article) – form of “the” used when trying to sound French—Dan.
• Biddjest (adj.) – descriptive of someone who is the ‘bitchiest’, only much, much worse—Dan.
• Ni (excl.) – something the knights say—Dan.
• Go (imperative) – also said by knights, often followed by “get me a shrubbery!”—Dan.
• Helpp (excl.) – what someone who stutters says when in need of assistance—Liz.
• Gogof (noun) – a goggomobile for fish—Liz.
• Za (article) – form of “the” used when trying to sound German—Liz.
• Stuw (noun) – off stew—Liz.

Game 2
Across:

• Blehetin (noun) – a really boring bulletin—Liz.
• Barunryp (noun) – a tanked bunyip—Dan.
• Susyeeva (name) – a ‘modern’ name—Liz.
• Egqaleti (adj.) – describing the quality of eggs—Liz.
• Krice (noun) – Crunchy rice—Dan.
• Milkrice (noun) – Rice pudding—Liz.
• Rexwinjr (noun) – A king who whinges a lot—Dan.
• Zerocold (adj.) – 1. Describing something totally cold. 2. Describing something that is not cold at all—Liz.

Down:

• Woans (noun pl.) – loans granted from Elmer Fudd—Dan.
• Bubgagee (noun) – person who gauges the size of babies—Liz.
• Bubgageearopore (noun) – instrument used by the bubgagee to gauge the size of babies—Dan.
• Niphfaim (noun) – the fame (or ‘phfaim’) brought about by being a knight who says “ni”—Dan.
• Aquax (noun) – ajax and water—Dan.
• Massfeer (noun) – 1. a fear of Mass, 2. a group of people in fear—Liz.
• Lovanitt (adj.) – when something is loved—Liz.
• Idiotoz (invariable noun) – those people who think that adding an “o” to an English word makes its Spanish or Italian equivalent, or that adding a “z” to the end of words makes them look cool—Dan.
• Dild (noun) – A dildo from which no pleasure is derived—Dan.

The lift

Looong day today. Just a quick post to share a photo.

We went to the local bowling club so the boys could watch the football. We entered the lift and were confronted with the image on the right. Totally intuitive, right? Absolutely no question as to which button to press, right?

Yeh we thought so too.

Mistaken identities

Window 1
Kate: Hey sweetie, what ended up happening with that assignment?
Dan: Oh, its back on now…
Kate: What!? Can’t that woman make up her mind?
Dan: Apparently not, lol.

Window 2
Scotty: Hey Dan!
Dan: Hey hey, how you?
Scotty: Good, so what’s going on with that assignment of yours?
Dan: It’s back on…

Window 1
[scott has been added to the conversation]

Dan: Over here Scotty!
Dan: Kate, meet Scott. Scott, meet Kate.
Kate: Hi Scott! Charmed.
Dan: I’m adding you both in together because you’re both asking me the same thing and I’m getting sick of repeating myself!
Scott: Returns from the abyss
Scott: Hi all?
Dan: Ok so yeh, it was cancelled on Sunday and then suddenly this morning she changes her mind and it’s back on. Can you believe it!?
Kate: Unbelievable.
Scott: So what questions are being asked?
Dan: “What happened to the assignment?”
Scott: Oh I see.
Kate: So let me get this straight… You get an assignment. It’s got two graphs, both based on a research study. You found the study and noticed the graphs didn’t match up. You questioned it online.
Dan: Yep, all correct so far.
Kate: And then she comes along and says “you can’t use the internet, googling is plagiarism!” and cancels the assignment. How am I doing?
Scott: Oh man, I hate it when that happens.
Kate: Yeh I know, totally fucks up your whole weekend!
Dan: So then I wrote a post saying I don’t think it’s fair to have the assignment cancelled because she wasn’t specific as to what we could and couldn’t read, I mean it said we had to relate it to studies in class and to our own reading, and anyway I’m offended she automatically thinks I’d plagiarise.
Kate: Bitch.
Dan: And then this morning she reinstates it… It’s like knee-jerk reaction after knee-jerk reaction!
Dan: Anyway, my legs have been really bad today too… my day went like this:
Dan: Wake up at 8:40 to my dad knocking on the door saying “you ready to go yet?” Me getting dressed at record speed and leaving at 8:47. Left lunch in fridge. Got to town 1 min after train left. Went to PO then baker’s delight for 2x cheese/olive rolls. Got train 9:30, went to Town Hall cos the walk from Town Hall station to the busses is less than from Central to busses because my legs were about to fall off. Got bus. Got to uni, found out assignment was reinstated. Really fascinating lecture on sign languages. Went to city. Got there at 1:20, my friend arrived 1:40 (meant to meet at 1:30... why no one can arrive on time is one of this life’s eternal mysteries, I mean two people and neither of us at the right time!)
Dan: Grabbed some lunch. Went to Hyde Park and sat and ate. Hobbled back to Museum station, hopped a train home, met Mum and Sister at the plaza, went iron shopping and I bought a set of flannel sheets for my bed (double flannelette $16.88). I wanted to look around more but Sister had the shits. Got home at 6.
Kate: What was Sister’s problem?


Window 2
Scotty: So why is it back on then?
Dan: Huh? I already told you!

Window 1
Dan: Hold on… which Scott is this?
Scott: Yes, I’m somewhat at a loss.
Dan: Scott from Melbourne?
Kate: Haha.
Scott: Nah, Adelaide Scott.
Dan: Right. Hold on.

[scotty has been has been added to the conversation]

Dan: Over here Scotty!
Kate: Lol
Dan: Right. Now we have Adelaide Scott, Melbourne Scotty and Kate... Sorry Scott, musta been confusing.
Scott: Just a little.
Scotty: Yes well…
Dan: Here’s what happened… Scotty and Kate were both asking about this assignment. And I added Scott, who I thought was Scotty, by accident. Then the three of us talked for ages, all the while ignorring Scotty who had no idea what was going on.
Scotty: Hang on for a second. Who’s here?
Dan: I got suspicious when Scotty asked me in a private window what happened and I was thinking “aren’t u reading the other window?” And then I realised.
Kate: Lol.
Dan: So here we all are… three people who only know each thru me :)

The moral of the story: Make sure you know the identity of those whom you invite into chat. Oh, and make sure you can read your lecturer’s mind to avoid stuff ups like my linguistics assignment.

On the train

I’m sure it’s happened to every man in existence at one time or another. It’s certainly happened to me on countless occasions since the beginning of the hormone saturation that is puberty. It happened to me on Monday.

I was sitting on the train beside a man of about seventy, reading my novel, when I felt a familiar and alarming stirring in my pants. This was not completely unexpected considering the book I was reading was describing, in rather graphic detail, the sexcapades of the two male protagonists. I tried to rearrange myself surreptitiously, trying not to disturb the gentleman to my right (who was busily reading the newspaper). It wasn’t easy. In fact, it wasn’t even possible. The more I tried to extricate my rapidly swelling penis from its surrounds, the more entangled (and consequently noticeable and uncomfortable) it became.

I closed my eyes and pondered the situation: not only is a boner on a train (or any mode of public transport for that matter) totally awkward, but it is totally useless, since you can’t do anything with it (or about it) when you share a carriage with fifty other commuters. I took a deep breath to steady myself and then yawned, moving my whole body with the yawn in such a way that I could deftly grab my dick and push it clear of any obstruction in a devastatingly cunning manner.

Now that my erection had been freed, it continued to sit there, content with tenting my trousers slightly as it reclined on my abdomen. I employed the century old book over the lap trick, laying a newspaper over my lap until it subsided of its own accord, something which takes a considerable amount of time in these circumstances.

That’ll teach me to read a sexy book on the train about gay men. Not only was it a potentially embarrassing situation, but a totally wasted hard-on.

Thought for the day

Dad emailed me this last night.

I wish I were a glow worm,
A glow worm's never glum.
Cos how can you be grumpy
When the sun shines out your bum!?

The slow slow slow lane

I must apologise for the lengthy periods between posts. The reason being a combination of being a little under the weather and selling box upon box of books and maps from Pop's house. I plan to pick things up and get my shit together soon though, so this unnacceptable lapse of traffic will (hopefully) soon be a thing of the past.

Random ramblings #16

A few random thoughts after “one of those days”. It wasn’t a bad day per se, but it wasn’t great either. I’m really not in the mood for baring my soul to the world today, although I have plenty to say—there are three half-finished posts floating around in my brain—however since there has been a distinct lack of posting on my part lately, I’m trying to make an effort to post a little more often. Anyway, that said, here’re some thoughts.

“The person you are calling is not answering the phone; please leave a message after the beep.”
This has got to be the most irritating sentence in creation. The smarmy quasi-human voice makes it even more infuriating. Forced politeness does not become machines.

One of the few things I love about public toilets, particularly those on campus, is the graffiti. I admit I giggled when I read the following, in the toilets at uni today:

At a height of about 1.8m:

“13/9/06 Got my piss this high top that chumps!!”


And then, at a height of 2m:“12/4/07 Got my cum this high! Suck on that chump!!”

This was amid a staggering number of blow job solicitations, drawings of men spread-eagled and begging to be fucked, and the declaration that at least one user of that particular stall “hates all the students”.

Lastly, much scheming has been afoot lately with regards to Sister and The Plan™. I want to get it sorted in my head and ask a few other informed people before I talk about it here. Watch this space!

Blacklisted

I must be doing something right if my blog has been blocked by the Chinese government.

Yes, you read that correctly. I learnt this morning from Lou, my friend living in China, that she cannot access my blog without going through a proxy server. I’m not sure how to react, but I do feel an overwhelming sense of achievement. I mean it’s not like I’m publishing the kind of anti-communistic, freedom-fighting, diversity-embracing, propaganda-filled essays that the Chinese government hates so. I’m just “lil ol me”. The only anti-Chinese thing I’ve ever done is here.

So while this little piece of cyber-space can’t be described as “The award-winning My Life in the Slow Lane”, I can say “The blacklisted My Life in the Slow Lane”.

That’s something. Right?

Who am I?

Maybe it’s the migraines, maybe it’s the pain killers, but I am feeling very introspective today. It occurred to me that my “about me” needed some updating so I started writing a list of things to describe who I am. By the time I got to number 46 or so, I thought I may as well go the whole hog and try for 100. I hope it isn’t as self-indulgent as these things can often be.

1. I pretend that it doesn’t matter to me, but the truth is I do care what people think of me.
2. I feel sorry for Aunt Agony and Rick; they seem so unhappy and it breaks my heart.
3. I enjoy helping people, but only if they are willing to help themselves.
4. If I could change one event in my life, I probably would do it; I just wouldn’t know which to change.
5. I genuinely don’t understand people who are threatened by love between two women or two men.
6. I enjoy smoking, but I regret having started.
7. I didn’t get the real meaning of ANZAC day until this year.
8. I don’t cry often, but when I do I really cry.
9. I yearn for independence, but I miss being a child.
10. I am more a cat-person than a dog-person.
11. I believe in love at first sight, simply because it has happened to people I know.
12. I had a crush on my (female) art teacher in year 9.
13. I am not scared of spiders, snakes, rodents or insects; they just piss me off.
14. I hate being treated like a child by Sister and my mother.
15. I think I look good in brown and blue.
16. I think I could pull off wearing a pink shirt, but I’m afraid to try.
17. I’ve never broken a bone in my life.
18. I genuinely don’t understand people who believe that same-sex relationship recognition is a “special right”.
19. I had two ingrown toenails removed when I was a teenager and had a panic attack each time.
20. I can go from being secure to being wildly insecure very quickly.
21. My favourite colour is bright blue, but more on the aqua side of blue.
22. I can’t help but hate pumpkin and green beans.
23. I like Tía’s pumpkin soup recipe better than my mother’s.
24. I like Grandma’s chicken livers.
25. I hate that people use “gay” as a derogatory term, but don’t often speak up when I hear it.
26. I was most afraid of coming out to my aunt, Tía, because I was afraid of her rejection more than anyone else’s.
27. When I was little, I wanted to be a “tattooist”.
28. I loved Astro Boy when I was a kid, but I rented it on video as an adult and thought it was lame.
29. I am a little scared of Sister’s reaction to my being gay, but not as much as I used to be.
30. When I was five, I thought the (male) school captain was hot.
31. Bad use of grammar infuriates me.
32. I love reading good poetry, and secretly wish that I could write good poetry too.
33. I generally believe myself to be a good writer.
34. I generally believe myself to be a good person.
35. I carry a photo of Luke, Sam and Zoe in my wallet.
36. I truly believe in marriage, just not as a political wedge or as an elite institution, yet I respect others’ decision not to get married.
37. I can’t help but believe in God.
38. I can’t help but believe in the Catholic Church.
39. I saw my first porno magazine at the age of 10.
40. I don’t drink much, but when I do I don’t know when to stop.
41. I had a crush on Cal when I first met him.
42. I hate it when people say things like “I’m not homophobic, I just hate gays”; I would much prefer that people owned their homophobic, racist or sexist ideas.
43. I feel like the black sheep of the family.
44. I believe in the concept of “the family” being important, even though I feel stifled by my own.
45. I hate Macs, if for no other reason that their mice only have one button.
46. I love reading a good novel on cold winter nights.
47. I can knit, and I’m pretty good at it.
48. I genuinely believe my mother had no idea that I was gay; I don’t understand how, but I believe it.
49. Even though I’m 23, I still have teddy bears on my bed.
50. I genuinely don’t understand people who think that God hates me, simply because I am gay.
51. A good male singer makes my knees weak.
52. I am generally attracted to blonde surfers or dark Latino men.
53. For the first year or so, I only looked at straight porn. It didn’t occur to me that gay porn existed (or that I would like it).
54. I often wonder what life would have been like, and what I would be like, if I wasn’t sick; I wonder if I’d like myself.
55. I prefer summer to winter.
56. Increasingly, I’m ashamed to be Australian.
57. I am ¼ Spanish, ¼ Slovak, 3/8 Australian and 1/8 German; I identify more with Spain than with Slovakia or Germany.
58. I love to laugh so hard it hurts my stomach.
59. I am proud of Sister’s achievements, even though she does a lot of things I don’t agree with.
60. I wish I had a brother.
61. I am afraid of never getting better.
62. I am afraid of being alone.
63. I am afraid of having access to Luke, Sam and Zoe denied me.
64. I am afraid of the end of the world.
65. I say things without judgement; if I say “that shirt makes you look fat” I mean it as a statement of fact, not as a comment on your worth.
66. I often wonder if people love me as much as I love them.
67. I get really, really disappointed when people say they will call me and then don’t.
68. I believe in the ideal of “turn the other cheek”, but often thirst for vengeance.
69. I am comfortable in the knowledge that people who use God, the Bible and religion as a basis of hatred will get their just deserts.
70. I love Australian slang like “wig-wam for a gooses bridle”, “you’ve got Buckley’s”, “pearler” and “no flies on you”.
71. I generally believe myself to be fairly good looking, but some days I feel so ugly.
72. I generally believe myself to be fairly intelligent, but some days I feel so stupid.
73. I can’t listen to Mr Jones, by Counting Crows, without a stab of pain.
74. I vividly remember meeting Luke for the first time, but I cannot remember meeting Sam or Zoe that well.
75. Even though I’m 23, I still enjoy cuddling up with Grandma on the lounge when we watch TV together.
76. I am often embarrassed by my memory problems.
77. I try to forgive people; I think I do a pretty good job at it.
78. I am loyal to my friends and I expect nothing less in return.
79. For a long time before I accepted my sexuality, I considered myself bi even though deep down I knew that was a lie.
80. I feel comfortable swearing in front of my parents and grandparents.
81. I don’t pray as much as I’d like to, or as much as I think I should.
82. I was always good at maths but hated it.
83. I generally believe myself to be a good cook, so I don’t understand why baking cookies is beyond me.
84. I’ve lived in two houses in the same city my entire life.
85. I’ve never been overseas; the only places I want to go are Madrid, to the church in which my grandparents married, and to Rome to see the Pope.
86. I considered Pope John Paul II a third grandfather.
87. I felt personally betrayed when my uncle left my aunt for another woman.
88. I have a high pain threshold for generalised pain, but a low one for localised pain.
89. I don’t really have a favourite food.
90. I love playing monopoly, even though I’m not very good at it.
91. When I get depressed I just want to sleep and forget.
92. Of all the people I know, my grandma has the best laugh.
93. Of all the people I know, my pop has (had) the most amazing mind.
94. Of all the people I know, my cousin Lala has the biggest heart.
95. Of all the people I know, my friend Liz is most like me.
96. I love the beach but hate the ocean.
97. I probably swear a little too much.
98. I have no qualms with using the word “cunt”.
99. I wish I had the kind of skin that tanned easily, instead of burning.
100. I don’t really have a favourite band, TV show or movie; I have lists.