–Sydney, 31 July 2010. A five year old remote control, whose identity is only known to the media as “DVD”, was reunited with his parents, “TV” and “VCR”, today after being abducted by a giant alien creature. The boy was taken away from his backyard on the Table Top three weeks ago.
“I’m so relieved,” said Mrs Remote. “I thought I would be the next to be abducted every time the sky got a little cloudy. And of course, I was just sick with worry for DVD every time I thought of him.”
His mother reported to police three weeks ago that she was watching her son play on the Table Top when suddenly the sky was filled with a giant cloudy shadow. “I thought it was an eclipse or something,” she said. “Then all of a sudden, and I still can’t believe this, a giant alien craft appeared in the sky. This giant thing came down, grabbed DVD around his whole body and lifted him up into the clouds!”
Artist impression of The "Hand" in the Sky and the ground cover of the Bed as described by DVD Remote.
The giant creature, reported to police by several other Table Top citizens, has since been named The “Hand” in the Sky by scientists.
After three weeks of anguish, the boy was suddenly returned to the Table Top by The “Hand” in the Sky. “It was so strange,” Mr Remote told reporters, “because I was standing in exactly the same spot as VCR was when she saw DVD taken when I saw the giant alien put DVD back on the Table Top.”
Police and child psychologists have spoken to the boy to ascertain what happened to him. Not all details are clear as the boy was very shaken after his ordeal and has been admitted to hospital in intensive care for monitoring for any effects from being in the alien craft.
“We can confirm that the boy was taken to a strange land call a Bed on 15 July.” Police Constable Robitussin told reporters at a crowded press conference this afternoon. “The boy described The Bed as so vast that he could not see the edge, only the white and green striped ground, which felt like linen.
“He told us he was soon picked up by a large, brown monster that only said one word: ‘miaow’. The monster tortured the boy and left him for dead in a dark crevice at the edge of The Bed. The boy was trapped in a crevice barely wider than himself, with green and white striped linen-like walls for three weeks, without any food and water.
“Scientists have told us that the monster is called a ‘Cat’. This particular type, a ‘Midnight Cat’, is believed to be particularly dangerous and clever. It kept poking the boy with a giant paw as big as the boy’s head and making its war-cry sound. Soon the boy would have been delirious from dehydration and eventually he would have passed out into a kind of dreamless sleep from the shock.
“One day, he woke from his delirious sleep because The Hand in The Sky had slithered down the crevice, grabbed him in the same way as the day he was abducted, and returned the boy to the Table Top.”
“We’re just so glad to have him back, but we’re extremely worried about the hand coming back again for one of us!” his parents told reporters. “And of course, we’re worried because we don’t know what damage the Hand or the monster have done to him, psychologically, I mean.”
Hospital staff labelled the boy’s condition as serious, but they are hopeful for a full recovery.
Photograph provided to the media by astronomers from the Table Top Observatory.
RELATED NEWS AND IMAGES
- Twenty youths are alive after attempting to have themselves abducted by The “Hand”. Police believe the youths are connected with a group calling itself “The Church of The Hand in the Sky”.
- Verbal slanging match between members of “The Church of The Hand in the Sky” and angry mothers at a local primary school.
- Newly founded “Church of The Hand in the Sky” denied church tax exemption by the Australian Tax Office.
- Family advocacy groups have condemned The Church of The Hand in the Sky as a cult.
- Astronomers allege they have photographic proof of The “Midnight Cat” attacking The “Hand” (see related photo).
