The mystery man

The other week I returned home and, as I walked up the side passageway, I discovered that my dirty clothes bin (a milk crate) had been displaced. Not only had it been displaced, but it had been removed from the house entirely and sat, quite despondently, in the passageway. After being pissed off at this total lack of respect for my property, I was intrigued; could I, perhaps, have a new housemate?

It would appear so.

Since the exodus of The Space Cadet, nearly two months ago, and my re-claiming of the bathroom, I have set an empty toilet roll behind the door that leads to his old room so that I could tell if anybody entered the bathroom when I was not at home. Last week, the day of the milk crate’s displacement, the toilet roll had not only moved, but the door had been left open and held in place with a brick. At the time I thought it might have been a cleaner, though the bathroom wasn’t any cleaner than when I had left it that morning. Upon further inspection, I discovered the heater in the other room had been left on. Not wanting to have the door open when I was trying to shower or use the toilet, I shut and locked it and turned off the heater. The next day, when I checked, the toilet roll had moved again, though the now reinstated milk crate remained. I was going to call the Housing Manager and ask her who the hell had been in my bathroom moving my things, and make it quite plain that I don’t mind if people go in there (as it is technically a common space within the house) but that I do not expect to return home and find my belongings outside with doors left open, however with work I didn’t have a chance to call her in business hours.

Then today, I went into the bathroom when I arrived home and discovered it had moved again. This time there was more evidence: the light above the mirror (which plugs directly into a power point) had been unplugged, and someone had left some green soap in a soap container on the basin. I mentioned this fact to The Optimist:

TO: Hey man!
Me: Hey Optimist, have you seen anyone new in the house? I think we may have a new guy in The Space Cadet’s room…
TO: Nah, I haven’t, but that’s good anyway. Someone else to help do the dishes.*
Me: Yeh well see I put the toilet roll on the floor, like I told you, and the last few days it’s been moved. I thought it was cleaners at first but then today someone has left soap on my basin.
TO: Well you’d hope it was a new housemate then. Cos that’s a pretty creepy thing to do: break into someone’s bathroom and leave soap.
Me: This is true.

*There is a perpetual pile (some would say mountain) of dirty dishes in this household. The Optimist, The Exerciser and I all kinda wash up as we go (doing everyone’s dishes, not just our own) and in the end it all works out that we do an even amount of washing. But it is a never-ending process. Interestingly, The Accountant doesn’t appear to eat. Or, at the very least, he doesn’t use dishes.

So it looks like I will be sharing the bathroom with someone soon. To be honest, I’m not too pleased about this development; I thought I would have the bathroom to myself until February but as long as the guy isn’t a freak who smokes goodness-knows-what and makes a lot of noise, then I’ll be happy.

All I know for now is that his soap is green. I’ll keep you posted.

The feline menagery

It appears that all felines in the area now congregate around my place. There are now four cats that I see on a fairly regular basis. There’s The Midnight Cat, of course, who has been getting quite comfortable here of late, but it’s impossible for me to say no to those big eyes when she wants something. Ginger Megs is the second cat I met, a big ginger and white cat who will watch you walk past with intense interest and then run off when you get too close. Smokey, the local tomcat, miaows loudly at night, presumably to attract the ladies to his masculine charm; he’s big and awkward looking so I don’t know how much action he gets.

Last night I met the newest addition to the menagerie; The Midnight Cat was walking down the side passageway towards me, as I sat smoking outside, and suddenly stopped dead in her tracks and turned around. She retraced her steps cautiously, inching closer to a stealthy little black cat who was crouched by the laundry door. Lucky, the black cat, moved slowly backwards. The Midnight Cat, being the curious busybody that she is, followed Lucky. Lucky dove into the laundry and stuck her head out to face The Midnight Cat as they played a bizarre game of feline hide-and-seek in which The Midnight Cat only moved when Lucky was inside the laundry, stopping dead when her head popped out the open doorway. Eventually, she reached the laundry and peered in, her two front paws on the door-ledge. A giant hiss broke the silence and Lucky scuttled towards the back gate, followed in close pursuit by The Midnight Cat, until they were both under a car swatting in each other’s general direction with their paws.

So just call me Dr Doolittle.

Working boy

I’ve alluded to having a job in a past post but I didn’t really go into much detail. So here is as much detail as I am willing to give on a blog:

I work five or six days a month for a not-for-profit organisation. Basically, I am responsible for organising awareness activities, merchandise, fundraising, promotion, and anything else my manager tells me to do. I’ve been working there for a little over a month now and I am settling into the office quite nicely. I even have a desk, adorned now with a photo of Janek, a butterfly postcard he gave me, a weird soft toy thing that my manager gave me, and various other post-it notes to remind me to do things that probably won’t get done on time anyway.

For the purposes of this blog, I’ll call my manager, who is also a close friend, The Tireless Leader. She is a whirr of energy and a lot of fun to be around. Every day when I work we journey down to the café across the road at 11am for coffee, a smoke, and an exchange of the weekend’s sexcapades. During a particularly busy and cumbersome project a fortnight or so ago, I gave TTL a pack of playing cards with naked men on them (this is the kind of relationship we have, you see).

So yeh, that’s my job. Looks like I’m moving up in the world. Exciting huh?

Random update on random shit... when I really should be getting ready!

I’ve been meaning to write something on here all week. You know, part of the whole “I’m going to post more” ethos. I think the trick is short posts, more often. Of course part of the problem that cause the Great Post Gap was that I had no internet at home for about three weeks... but I am all set now, thank to my wonderful Mum who has put the account in her name since I don’t earn enough to get my own. Nothing builds self esteem like being told you can’t get an account that costs $40 a month because you don’t earn enough, oh yeah. I called Dad and asked him if I could put it in his name and he said to ask Mum, cos then she can claim on tax. She agreed it was a good idea so I got some details from her and set to work on starting the application process. I had to call back to get her license number and then again, a second time, to ask her salary and work details. “I don’t hear from you for weeks and weeks, Daniel! Then as soon as you fucken want something you’re on the phone three times in a few hours! What is this?” Ahhh I love my Mum.

Well I’m lying in bed right now. Janek will be here in ten minutes and I haven’t showered, shaved or dressed. We’re going to a dinner for his friend’s birthday. My back is not happy tonight so I don’t know how long I’ll last at the party (I’ll probably come home early and get stoned) but hey it’ll be fun nonetheless.

Anyway last week I was in essay-mode, writing about The talented Mr Ripley, a man I would quite happily never speak of (or write about) again. But the essay was completed and handed in, and then the great End-Of-Semester-Purge began: I cleaned my room. There was a serious amount of shit thrown out, but unfortunately a similar amount retained. But I found out I won’t be moving next year and should get this room allocated again so luckily I don’t need to move it all around.

Next up on the calendar: work and exams. Work is going really well and I’m really enjoying my job but finding that I don’t have enough time in the day to get everything done that needs doing and since I only work one day a week it makes things difficult when leaving something at the end of the day means leaving it until the next week. I’ve been given another day per month so I now work every Wednesday and the first Tuesday of the month as a general rule. Exams, don’t ask about them. Two exams, 12th and 17th of November. Not looking forward to them.

Well I better get going since I now have approximately one minute to get ready before Janek gets here and I have to explain myself. Hopefully the impossibly high level of my brain is excuse enough. Sorry guys, I'm not usually this out of it, it's just been a bad week pain-wise so I'm a little strung out.

Until next time... paz, musica y mucha amor!

Yes or no?

Stolen from Janek

Only two rules– and you MUST follow them:
1. You can only say Yes or No.
2. You aren’t allowed to explain anything unless someone asks you, so feel free to ask.

1. Taken a picture fully naked? — YES
2. Painted your room? — NO
3. Made out with a member of the same sex? — YES
4. Driven a car? — NO
5. Danced in front of your mirror? — YES
6. Have a crush? — YES
7. Been dumped? — NO
8. Stolen someone’s heart? — YES
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? — NO
10. Been in a fist fight? — NO
11. Snuck out of your house? — NO
12. Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? — YES
13. Been arrested? — NO
14. Made out with a stranger? — NO
15. Left your house without telling your parents? — NO
16. Had a crush on your neighbour? — NO
17. Ditched school to do something more fun? — YES
18. Slept in a bed with a member of the opposite sex? — YES
19. Seen someone die? — NO
20. Been on a plane? — YES
21. Kissed a picture? — YES
22. Slept in until 3? — YES
23. Love someone or miss someone right now? — YES
24. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? — YES
25. Made a snow angel? — NO
26. Played dress up? — YES
27. Cheated while playing a game? — YES
28. Been lonely? — YES
29. Fallen asleep at work/school? — YES
30. Yelled at a friend? — YES
31. Felt an earthquake? — NO
32. Touched a snake? — YES
33. Ran a red light? — NO
34. Been suspended from school? — NO
35. Had detention? — YES
36. Been in a car accident? — YES
37. Hated the way you look? — NO
38. Witnessed a crime? — NO
39. Pole danced? — NO
40. Been lost? — YES
41. Been to the opposite side of the country? — NO
42. Felt like dying? — YES
43. Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? — YES
44. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? — YES
45. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? — NO
45. Sang in the shower? — NO
46. Made out in a park? — NO
47. Had a dream that you married someone? — YES
48. Glued your hand to something? — YES
49. Got your tongue stuck to a pole? — NO
50. Ever gone to school partially naked? — YES
51. Been a cheerleader? — NO
52. Sat on a roof top? — NO
53. Didn’t take a shower for a week? — YES
54. Too scared to watch scary movies alone? — YES
55. Played chicken? — NO
56. Been pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on? — NO
57. Been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? — YES
58. Been easily amused? — YES
59. Mooned/flashed someone? — NO
60. Cheated on a test? — YES
61. Forgotten someone’s name? — YES
62. Slept naked? — YES
63. Gone skinny dipping? — NO
64. Blacked out from drinking? — YES
65. Played a prank on someone? — YES
66. Gone to a late night movie? — NO
67. Looked at your reflection as you walked past a window? — YES
68. Failed a class? — NO
69. Choked on something you’re not supposed to eat? — NO
70. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? — NO
71. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? — NO
72. Thrown strange objects? — NO
73. Felt like killing someone? — YES
74. Felt like running away? — YES
75. Have you ever ran away? — NO
76. Made a parent cry? — YES
77. Cried over someone? — YES
78. Had sex more than 3 times in one day? — YES
79. Dated someone more than once? — NO
80. Had/Have a dog? — NO
81. Own an instrument? — NO
82. Been in a band/orchestra? — NO
83. Drank 25 sodas in a day? — NO
84. Broken a CD? — YES
85. Shot a gun? — NO
86. Had feelings for one of your best/good friends? — YES

Yes - 45
No - 42

Janek takes over

Hello all,

I've hijacked Dan's blog. He's supposed to be reading The Talented Mr Ripley, and I'm here keeping a watch on him. However, knowing what he's like, he's currently playing with the reception on the TV. I'm about to wield the whip.

So, I'm mostly writing so as to make sure you all know he is still alive. He has a whole 48 hours left to do this essay in, and so far he's just about half-way through the novel. I mean, maybe if I wasn't here he would be working more, and the fact that I am currently using his computer might suggest that I could be stopping essay writing. Then again, if I wasn't here, as he just told me, he would be playing Sim City, smoking, and playing with MC. So, well, I guess I'm doing a good thing.

We've been catching up on Everwood, and we're currently just finishing Season 2. It's an interesting show, I recommend watching it one time if you so feel the need to develop .... ok, I'm going to stop there because Dan is now reading what I'm writing rather than READING HIS BOOK! *VERY GRUMPY FACE*

Oh, and lovely... he's now making it unpleasant for me in here. *GLARES*

Well, now that I've reassured you that: a) he's still alive; b) I'm not keeping him hostage in my basement for twisted sexual acts; and c) that he's in trouble for not having finished his essay, I'm going to leave this blog post with a picture:

The Optimist does sleaze and other shit

I’m back boys and girls. I can’t believe it’s been a month since my last post. Well, actually I can. The last three weeks have been insane. The first two were incredibly shitty, even as bad weeks go (especially as bad weeks go), but the worst part was that it was (mostly) my own fault. The last week, on the other hand, has been great. Just busy. But great. I have two essays due in the next week and a half, two assignments, a huge project at work and I just don’t have time to scratch myself anymore. Janek has been quite understanding, considering he has barely seen me in the last week, and that when he has seen me it’s either been a quick hello as I’m walking to the library and we bump into each other, or he has been relegated to the other end of the bed as I work. Frankly I don’t know whether to be glad about his level of restraint, or upset at the fact that, quite evidently, I am resistible. But enough about that...

I have a job. I won’t go into too many details but it’s a one-day-a-week position, it’s stuff I’ve (mostly) already done before on a voluntary basis, and the pay is really good considering I have no formal experience whatsoever.

Anyway. The Optimist does sleaze. Yes folks you read that right: The Optimist was working behind the bar at the sleaze ball. When he told me this, after I stopped laughing, I told him what to expect because I didn’t want the poor boy to be too shocked when he got there. The next day he was in the kitchen so I asked him how he found it. He replied “Oh yeh it was fine. I’d had it talked up to me so I wasn’t too shocked or anything. I was ok except for a sixty year old woman showing me her vagina!” It turns out the woman came up to him and said “do you want to see where I keep my sunnies?” before flashing him. Sure enough, her sunnies were on (or perhaps in, I’m not sure) her vagina. He visibly shuddered at this. He’s so cute.

I have three funny stories, all involving The Optimist, which I will probably write about in the near future (unless I decide not to, of course, because two of them involve alcohol-fuelled, incriminating behaviour, one of which involves me). Anyway I really really should get back to work (or, to be more precise, start working for the day) before Janek arrives, so I will write more later.