Awkward

Janek met Mum the other day, briefly, as we all met in a Maccas carpark halfway between Mum and Dad’s and the city.

A few days before hand I said to Mum, “Please don’t embarrass me!” The night before the meeting took place, she told me she had two questions to ask me. “Firstly,” she demanded, “why do you think that I’d embarrass you in front of Janek!?” “I dunno...” I said, “I guess I’m just covering my bases.” Mum grumbled in that way that Marge Simpson does when she’s not entirely satisfied with an answer.

At this point in the conversation, I got up and walked into the next room, my bedroom, to get my glasses. She continued talking to me as I rifled through bags in my room: “The other thing...” she started, then stopped to choose her words. “Now I’m not going to ask if you and Janek are doing it, but...” she faltered, “well I need to know you’re being careful.”

I died standing up.

“Yes Mum. There’s a box of condoms in my bedroom, you have nothing to fear.” Her reply: “Oh good.”

I continued searching in silence for the elusive glasses. After five minutes I couldn’t restrain myself from declaring “I cannot believe you asked me that, Mum.” “Well, you know, sometimes teenagers get carried away and don’t think of this kind of things.” “But I’m not a teenager, Mum, I’m nearly twenty-five.” “I know, I know, but I had to say it.” I continued searching in silence.

The next day, about fifteen minutes after the appointed hour, Mum and I drove into the carpark at Maccas and parked the car next to Janek (who had been there for half an hour, for fear of arriving late and making a bad first impression on my mother). The way Janek tells it, I leapt out of the car as soon as it stopped moving, bounded over to him and kissed him. In reality there was no leaping or bounding; however I did kiss him, though there was no tongue. This shocked him for two reasons: it was in front of my mother and it was in a Maccas carpark in the middle of Western Sydney. They met and talked briefly, but as Mum and I were (fashionably) late, we had to leave quite quickly.

There was no embarrassment, no awkward questions and she was very impressed with Janek. Yay.