The toaster war

This morning I went into the kitchen to make toast for breakfast. The Guyanan, The Optimist and his Gorgeous Friend were eating breakfast at the dining table. I got bread from the freezer, walked over to the place on the bench where the toaster should have been; it wasn’t there. I should point out that the toaster is mine, not a toaster that belongs to the uni or the house. Upon seeing its absence, I leapt backwards in fashion reminiscent of Basil Fawlty discovering that there is a wall where a door should be. I yelped.

“Where the fuck is my toaster?” I yelped. This seemed to startle Gorgeous Friend who looked at me with a bit of a frightened look. It made him look even cuter. “Yeah,” said The Optimist, “I’ve been meaning to ask you that. It wasn’t here yesterday and I thought you’d taken it to your room.” “No… why would I do that?” “Must have been the Space Cadet. Trying to find a way to spend even less time in the kitchen.”

I put the bread in the microwave and defrosted it in preparation for making a sandwich. Once it had defrosted, I opened the fridge to get the butter and an egg-and-mayo spread. For the second time that day I yelped and did the Basil Fawlty leap.

“And where the fuck is my butter!?” The Guyanan, The Optimist and Gorgeous Friend laughed. I sent a text message to my Dad as I ate… I woke this morning 2 discover not only my butter mysteriously vanished from kitchen but my fucking toaster too. I wonder who took it? The Optimist saw it gone yday, thought I had it in my room & said “obviously The Space Cadet trying 2 stay out of the kitchen a little more”. This is war.