Dr NT and a sensory extravaganza

I hear the elephants charging upstairs, wildebeest and gazelles at their sides. I mistake the sound for rocks in heaven, or perhaps “God moving furniture”, like we tell little kids when explaining thunder. I feel the ground shake as they thunder past, and cower as the house moves around me.

I’ve been in a lot of pain and been fairly down the last few days. But I also went to a new doctor on Monday, whom I’ll call Dr NT (for Natural Therapies), and left with my wallet $120 lighter and with a swag of papers ordering food allergy and intolerance tests, a hair mineral test, various blood tests and, worst of all, a glucose tolerance test. For the uninitiated, a GTT involves drinking about a litre of glucose syrup then sitting in a chair for four hours while people in uniforms take blood sugar level readings every thirty minutes. It's unpleasant.

I hear a saxophone in the distance, singing alongside a sexy Latin man of about fifty. I see the silver flecks in his dark hair shine in tandem with the red suit he wears… he is like a Latin Sean Connery. I hear his honey voice sing jazz to adoring fans.

I was also carrying a piece of paper with a list of allowed foods and disallowed foods. Suspecting hypoglycaemia, Dr NT has commanded I do not eat any sugar or yeast. Furthermore, he’s given me a list of so-called “rheumatic foods” to avoid, featuring tomatoes, capsicums, peppers, all citrus fruits (including passionfruit), beef and veal, peanuts or cocoa. This has immediately rendered half of my pantry inedible in one fell swoop but luckily The Optimist said he’d give me a few bucks for the stuff I can’t eat. I guess I should start looking into recipes.

I hear music so clearly, as if the gramophone that bears them is made of the finest crystal ane gold. I hear subtle notes that I have never heard before, and notice in parts the music is going slower than usual… but not slow in a “the fucking tape is stuck again!” kinda way, in a beautiful, perfect, harmonious way. I see a television in the distance, hear the news anchor speaking quickly as she recites a night’s worth of the city’s maladies. Though I am inside, I hear her floral voice. I feel white noise press on my skin as it trembles past my ears.

In other news, I won $500 from the university last week as part of a bursary programme. My winning was based on my results last year, so that was a very welcome surprise in an otherwise pedestrian week.