In denial?

In other news, I am questioning whether Grandma knows I’m gay, whether she is in denial, or whether she thinks it’s a phase. Sister brought this up during The Talk, since Grandma has asked her the other day if I have a girlfriend. On top of this, Grandma asked me what I’m eating now I’m living alone (worried for my nutrition no doubt) while I had lunch with her and Grandpa in the Queen Victoria Building. When I told her all the things I’m cooking, and on a budget no less, she nodded approvingly and said “You are well trained, you’re going to make a great husband one day!” I was about to say something like “Yes, I’ll make some guy very happy.” But there is a time and place to say these things to your seventy-five year old grandparents, and the Queen Victoria Building at lunch time isn’t it.

On Sunday afternoon I called Tía, who has had trouble with her heart of late, to see how she is. I caught her hurtling down the freeway with Bin in the car, so we all chatted with me on speaker phone. I told them about my Easter, which was pretty good actually, and soon the conversation turned to The Talk. “She will settle down when she’s older, honey,” Tía told me sagely, “these things come with age.” Talk of The Talk eventually lead to the question of Grandma’s comments: is she unaware, in denial or hoping it’s a phase? As I neared the halfway point of the sentence, I thought to myself “Dude, what the fuck are you doing talking about this with her? You know the reaction you’re gong to get!” Never one to disappoint, Tía proclaimed: “Well, I hope it’s a phase too, to be honest.”

What do you say when you aunty says that to you? “Fuck off” was tempting. Though I talk tough when recounting these stories to friends, Liz & Kate chief among those who bear the brunt of my miseries, and sprinkle my hypothetical responses with expletives and all manner of invective, I tend not to use them in real life. This was no different. When recounting the story I said things like “I totally should have told her to get with the fucken programme”, but all I managed in the actual event was a terse “Thanks for being honest with me”, followed by “I wouldn’t hope too hard though…it’s not going anywhere.” She said something like “You never know”, and I told her in no uncertain terms, that I knew. I glanced through the window (I was on the front steps) and noticed the Optimist and his brother, having just emerged from their hungover sleep, were in the kitchen, likely hearing everything I was saying. But I thought fuck it, they’re in no state to judge me after the mess they left in the bathroom.

I emailed U2 to see what he thought about it all. His response was that while he is certain she’s been told, he wonders whether she has “taken it on board as truth or not”. That seems fair. And only time will tell, I guess, but I’m not looking forward to the next gathering of the Family-at-large; girlfriend comments are annoying when one is in the closet, but when one has gone to the trouble of coming out to everyone, they are totally irksome.