The sound of white

Like a freeze-dried rose you will never be what you were,
What you were to me in memory.
But if I listen to the dark you’ll embrace me like a star,
Envelope me, envelope me.

I knew it was coming, I saw it on my calendar early last week and ignored it with the skill of the expert procrastinator that I am but like all things that one procrastinates about or ignores, Pop’s birthday happened today nonetheless.

If things get real for me down here
Promise to take me to before you went away, if only for a day.
If things get real for me down here
Promise to take me back to the tune we played before you went away.

The weather was appropriately dismal in the early afternoon as I wandered around the city. I was on the way to St Marys Cathedral to go to mass in memory of him. I bought lunch, a plate of chips and gravy, and sat in the park watching the people walk by, their heads hunched down as it started raining. And then this song came on my music player…

And if I listen to the sound of white,
Sometimes I hear you smile and breathe your life.
Yeah, if I listen to the sound of white…
You’re my mystery, one mystery…

As I sat there in the park, trying not to shiver as I ate, a single tear escaped my right eye and rolled down my cheek… followed by another from the left eye… and another… and another… until my sunglasses fogged up and I could see nothing but a blurry mist.

My silence solidified till that hollow void erases you,
Erases you till I can’t feel at all.
But if I never feel again at least the nothingness will end,
The painful dream of you and me.

After a short time I picked myself up and trundled over to the cathedral, where I lit a candle and sat in silence…waiting…remembering…

If things get real for me down here
Promise to take me to before you went away, if only for a day.
If things get real for me down here
Promise to take me back to the tune we played before you went away.

This is supposed to get easier right?

And if I listen to the sound of white,
Sometimes I hear you smile and breathe your life.
Yeah, if I listen to the sound of white…
The sound of white…