Research

I have a feeling that Sister is trying to draw me into a discussion/debate on marriage, more specifically that “marriage is for one man and one woman to the exclusion of all others yadda yadda yadda”, or, at the very least, she’s doing research for same.

A week or so ago we were getting ready to go to uni and I noticed she had a green shopping bag full of books. I have this book bag that Nicki gave me that is much easier to carry, especially when it’s full of books, so I offered it to her. I was going to just transfer the books myself so I looked in the bag and they were all about “Christian marriage”. I put them back and offered the bag to her in person and she gratefully accepted. Nothing more was said.

To be fair, these could legitimately be for a uni assignment of hers. The cynic in me thinks something slightly less innocent is afoot. I soon forgot about it anyway.

Then last night, as I lay in bed reading, there was a timid knock on the door. Usually, once I’ve officially “gone to bed”, she doesn’t bother me unless it’s absolutely essential. This is probably due, in large part, to the fact that the last time she knocked and then immediately barged into my room after I’d “gone to bed”, she caught me red-handed (pardon the pun) masturbating. I don’t know who was more shocked or mortified. Since that day she always knocks, waits for an answer, and then enters when invited. Interestingly, since then she has never interrupted me, even though if she had have done I would have had a chance to cover up. But I digress.

Then last night, as I lay in bed reading, there was a timid knock on the door. I invited her in and she said there was something she needed printing but had turned her laptop off. She told me the name of the article—in Latin—and I googled it. It was a Papal encyclical from the 1930s about “traditional Christian marriage” and would be about 30 pages when printed. I was about to get up and put paper in the printer for her to print it but she said it didn’t matter, she didn’t need it for tomorrow, it wasn’t essential. “Well what’s the bloody point then?” I thought, but I held my tongue. She said goodnight again and went back to bed.

I got up and went outside for a smoke. I got thinking. Why would she ask me to look up this article if she didn’t need it, unless she wanted me to read it? If that was her rationale, it worked; my curiosity got the better of me and I had a quick look through it. It made no mention of the evils of homosexuality, but it did extol the virtues of one man, one woman, two-point-four kids and a house in the suburbs. I closed the browser and continued reading Ian Roberts: finding out by Paul Freeman.

With all that has been happening lately, I just don’t have the time, energy or inclination to take the bait.

But it has got me thinking nonetheless. I have to say, while I don’t like that she is constitutionally opposed to something in which I believe strongly, I appreciate that she appears to be doing some research into the issue (albeit incredibly one-sided research) and not resting on the laurels of “it’s wrong and evil and I won’t hear any different”. Although it will doubtless lead her to the same conclusion, it’s the thought that counts. I mean if she was ready to write me off for being gay she wouldn’t bother trying to “win me back”, so to speak. The other night, while talking to Mum about something (to which I was paying no attention) I heard her say “it’s like Daniel, I could never disown him as a brother…for whatever reason”. I’m not quite sure what she was talking about but it proves my point nicely.

The fact remains that “it”, for the time being at least, is a taboo subject. I’m not altogether upset about that, nor am I surprised. Lately I’ve been feeling rotten, physically and emotionally drained, and I just can’t deal with theological battles at the moment.