Since the whole retraction incident, not a word has been spoken between Sister and I about “it”. In fact, “it” wasn’t even addressed then; “it wasn’t that” she said.
The whole thing has become, at least for me, like a giant rainbow elephant in the room: it’s there but neither of us will acknowledge it. There hasn’t been much cause for acknowledgement, to be fair, however before I came out to her she was always talking about “the homosexuals”. The homosexuals want to get married! The homosexuals want to adopt children! What rubbish. Since I came out, she’s said nothing.
To be honest, I’d rather just have it out and get all the preconceptions out of the way so we can go forward instead of stagnating where we are now. When I say preconceptions, I’m talking about preconceptions held by the both of us; I am well aware that while I have suspicions of what she thinks about “it”, I don’t know for sure. What it boils down to is that neither know what the other is thinking or feeling about “it”, so there are bound to be preconceptions.
The thing is, I don’t want to have to be the one to bring it up.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Giant rainbow elephant in the room
Writing
On coming out
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3 comments ... click here to comment:
Wow...it's amazing how people close to you can't accept things about their loved ones that happen to be "taboo." Like when my eldest brother found out I had an African boyfriend when I was at Uni..he set up a family BBQ where the topic of conversation was my relationship with a black man.Some of the points discussed were:
"What if she gets pregnant?"
" What if they move in together?"
"What will people say about her?"
"What the hell is she doing?"
"what if he's using her to try and get permanent residency to Australia?"
"I hope she's checked his HIV status.."
He was simply appalled. As was I when I found out!!!! I have said a gazillion times that if my son decided he was gay, I wouldn't even flinch. I then get steamrollered by people saying "It's easy to say that NOW, but you would feel so revolted in ten years time that your baby was doing dirty things with his penis.." ( A Prada soccer Mum actually used those words by the way..) I know that this is NOT the case. I love and accept every decision that he makes now and in the future.
Even though Sister is saying nada about "it," she would have had to have run various scenarios through her head about how being gay will effect you, and your relationship with her. I'm sure you will find a time and a place where you can talk about these issues and open this can of worms once and for all. Still, the frustration of not knowing how she feels about her brother being gay is a killer and I understand the frustration of "silence.". Hey! You came out to your whole fam this year! That in itself is a remarkable feat, and one I'm sure all your readers and friends are so proud of you for...as am I. :D
Revolting things?? And she's a Mum? Poor thing needs to watch a bit more boy/girl porn if that is her primary reason! Egads.
I guess I can understand that momentary disappointment. Even if in their head everything is fine, the heart would still grieve for grandchildren that might not ever be etc, but that happens with anything that dramatically alters the way you see the future. It isn't so much a lack of acceptance thing as coming to terms with change, and often one that has been deliberately masked.
She wants to understand, and I'll bet she wants to kill that heffalump as much as you do, but she's got to be ready to hear the answers too.
With the frequency that homosexuality is mentioned in popular media and entertainment, you'll get an opportunity I'm sure. :)
You should be the one to bring it up! You have made the most important step in your young life by accepting who you are with enough pride to tell family members. Wanting to know how she feels about it, while important is a small hurdle in comparison. I came out 4 years ago which made me 31. Having dated girls right up until a few months prior to my announcement, made the news even more of a shock. But eventually they all dealt with it. Hey what choice do they have. They don't have to like it, but they do need to respect that this is who you are. Don't ever lose sight of that! Live for who you are!
♥hugs♥
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