Decepción

I’ve always thought that the Spanish word decepción is a little ironic, at least from an English speaker’s perspective. On first glance, it looks like it would mean “deception” or “deceit”, but it actually means “disappointment”. It’s ironic because deception often leads to disappointment, so in a way the word becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Decepción sums up my present situation perfectly.

For the last two weeks I’ve been putting a lot of energy into trying to help someone who I thought was a good friend though a difficult time. He was very ill and understandably upset, and I tried to do what any good friend would do and help take his mind of it; I visited him in hospital, called him and said “stay strong” (because I know how maddening it is when people say “get well” when it is beyond your control anyway). I remember well how it felt to be stuck in bed, in pain, feeling like shit, with no one but your own shadow for company. I also remember well what I did to myself in that situation and I didn’t want him to experience that. I didn’t do it for thanks, nor to be told “what a good friend you are”; I just did it because it’s what any decent person does, right?

Apparently not.

It turned out that my friend didn’t think my motives were quite so pure. I received a text message the other night saying “I appreciate your support, but I am beginning to question your intentions and motives”. It turned out, to my utter dismay, that he suspected my motives were considerably more sinister—something straight out of a good soap opera—that I was hoping that something more would eventuate between the two of us, despite his having a boyfriend. Examples were cited; explanations were offered and quickly rebuffed. In the end he wouldn’t believe that there was no devilish scheme afoot to win him over to me. He ended the last text with “best wishes 4 the future”, after asking me not to contact him further. Such a token farewell greeting that was totally unappreciated and somewhat voided by the remainder of the message.

I didn’t—and still don’t—understand what I did to fuel his misconeptions. What kind of society do we live in when genuine concern is taken as sexual advances?

Actions of friendship were misconstrued as actions of lust; the imagined deception on his part resulted in a very real decepción on mine.