Nothing worth having ...

... comes without some kind of fight.

It's hard to explain the atmosphere here at home. In one sense nothing has changed; in another my revelation has become a bit of an elephant in the room.

Sister came home for lunch yesterday. On Saturday night Dad asked me "so are you going to tell Sister your news?" He had a Cheshire cat grin on his face. I just said no. "You thought you had more time didn't you?" he asked. "Yeh," I said, "I thought I'd have like three weeks or something, but even then I was going to see how things were at the end of the three weeks before making a decision." "Wise move" he said. I've been wondering what's going on in his head but, as ever, he isn't saying much.

Sister came and went; there was no sideways glances, no urgent whispering in the hallway, no discomfort.

Mum stuck her head into my room just after she'd left.
"So you decided no to tell Sister?"
"I was never going to tell her today."
"Oh?"
"The whole point of telling you and Dad separately was that you would both get a chance to get used to the idea. And you haven't."
"Yes, you're right, I haven't." She sounded slightly embarrassed. I smiled sweetly and tried to convey the sense that I wasn't trying to hurry her, that it was just a fact that she wasn't used to the idea yet. She looked a little less embarrassed and left the room.

Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight.

Got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight.

I noticed during the conversation last Thursday, Mum never used the word gay or any of its synonyms. Once she can give it a name, then I'll know she's moving somewhere. It took me years to say it to myself, even longer to say it aloud to another person. I don't envy her position at all.

I say all of this about my parents and their journey--one for which they had no choice but to participate--without judgement. In saying that Mum is having trouble accepting that I'm gay, I'm not saying it because I think she should hurry up or get over it. Although I do wish she would wake one morning instantly "over it", I know that it will take time. So I'm just telling it like it is, without judgement and without prejudice.