I did it!

Tonight I came out to my parents. It went well. Although it happened less than two hours ago, the details are fast becoming fuzzy, so I thought I'd better get it down before I forget completely.

Sister came home today to spend the day and was driven back to the place she's staying by Dad at 8,30. He came home at about 9,15. So, after Grey's Anatomy, as Mum and Dad were sitting down to watch CSI, I took the plunge: "Mum, is it ok if we tape CSI? There's something I want to discuss with you." To my great surprise, she didn't ask any questions; she just turned on the tape, turned off the TV, and sat with her hands in her lap. Dad walked in and asked why the TV was off. "Daniel has something he wants to discuss." Mum said. They both looked at me. There was no escape.

"Well," I started, desperately willing my heart to stop beating so damn fast, "there's something I want to discuss, and I've been meaning to talk with you about it for a while now but for one reason or another the opportunities never really eventuated, and also I was kinda worried about your reaction, particularly Sister's, so I kept putting it off, but then she went on this course of hers and so this is the ideal time really." I stopped to take a breath. "Ok, so what I want to tell you is ... that I'm gay." Silence.

"That's ok with me." Dad said.
"How do you know?" Mum asked.
"How do you know that you're not gay?" I asked.
"Well that's different." Mum said.
"No it isn't. I mean if sexual orientation is core to your identity then you just know, you know. Just like you know you aren't gay." She seemed to accept that.

"How long have you known?" Mum.
"Well I guess I've always known in some way, certainly since my early teenage years, it was more a case of accepting it, which didn't happen till about 18 months ago."

"Have you met someone?" Mum again.
"No."
"Have you met someone before?"
"No."

"So you're worried about Sister." Dad. It was more a statement than a question.
"Yeh."
"Well is there any reason to tell her? If you meet someone then tell her, but until then there's no reason to say anything."
"But it's not easy to live with her when you're gay."
"Why?" Mum.
"Well, it's hard to explain, I just don't think she'll be happy." Dad nodded. "I mean she goes on and on about it. Homosexuals this, homosexuals that. You two probably haven't noticed so much because it's not an issue for you, but I think about it all the time."
"What kind of things does she say?" Dad. Or possibly Mum. I don't remember who asked this.
"Oh you know, about same-sex marriage, adoption, things like that."
"Well marriage is a thing between a man and a woman ..." Mum began, but I interrupted.
"Let's not go here tonight, ok?"
"Ok."
"Sister will be fine, you're her brother, she loves you." Dad.
"I know she loves me, and I don't doubt that she will continue to love me. But say, for example, I meet someone, she won't condone it and she'll make a point of not condoning it. She still talks about Lala and Cal living together out of wedlock."
"True."
"She's just not going to like it, that's all. And she seems to be on a crusade sometimes."

"So what about the rest of the family?" Dad. "What about your grandparents?"
"What about them?"
"Well I know it isn't a case of going down there one weekend and breaking the news, I suppose that you only need to say something if you meet someone and want to bring them to Christmas." Dad again.
Let me interrupt here to say what this means: that he is ok with me bringing a boyfriend to Christmas, a move which is fraut with danger at the best of times. This is a good sign.
"Well I know they suspect."
"Who does?" Mum.
"Uncle asked Lala 'Do you think Daniel's gay?' and then told her they've all been curious about it."
"Why would he ask Lala?"
"I assume he figured that she would know and would tell him. She didn't though. I mean she knew but didn't say much."

"So who else knows?" Mum asked. I was dreading this question.
"Well, all my friends, Lala and her siblings, Cal, Tia."
"Who are 'all your friends'?
"Liz, James, Calla, people at uni. Everyone really."
"So we're the last ones?"
"That's what Tia said."
"When did you tell her?"
"Last time I was down there."

"Are there any other choices you have made that you want to tell us?" Mum asked. I let the whole choices concept slide.
"No no. Choices like what?"
"I was afraid that you were going to tell us you were contemplating suicide again."

This lead into the reasons behind my depression in the past and the reason for the suicidal tendencies. Partly this was because of my illness and partly because of my confusion over my sexuality.

So in conclusion, Mum was totally taken by surprise. Dad was neither shocked nor unshocked. When Mum commented that she had no idea, Dad said that he had suspected it a few times but then not thought any more of it. As it turns out, these were suspicions that he hadn't shared with Mum, who was not happy at not being let in on his thoughts. Dad also revealed that the above Uncle had asked him in the past but he hadn't thought about it any further.

Mum was more upset because "it's just such a hard life." I just said "I know Mum, but there's not much I can do about it except make the best of it."

Obviously there was more to it than what I've written here, but these were the main points of conversation covered.

All in all it went really well. The only remotely hurtful thing that was said was Mum saying "Well I'm not going to say congratulations or anything." They couldn't believe I was so worried about telling them. "It's not a huge deal" they kept saying. They fail to realise that it's life and death for me in a way. But there's time for education. I left for a cigarette break and gave them some "my child is gay, what now?" printouts from PFLAG's website.

"So. Who needs a cigarette?"
"Me." Dad, the staunch non-smoker replied.
"Mum? You want one?"
"No thanks."
Then Dad said "You got a joint?"