When two worlds collide ...

... who will be left alive?

I think that everyone, to some extent, lives in several different worlds. There's the family world, work world, school world, friends world. Life is like one giant venn diagram at times. Sometimes these worlds co-exist peacefully; sometimes there is a tangible tension between them. Right now I'm living in the gay world and the not (as) gay world; the former is growing while the latter shrinks. Recent events have, however, reminded me that each is alive and kicking, and on a collision course.

Last year I enjoyed some amount of separation between the two worlds: while at uni I could be as gay as I wanted (read: I could be myself) and while at home I could handle the hiding because I had a safe outlet. This year I'm heading to a different uni, one where Sister has many friends who know me. This means that I suddenly feel I can't be myself there. What if, for example, I am hanging out under a rainbow flag on pride week and I am seen by one of her uber-Catholic mates? Would they say to her "I didn't know your brother was gay"?

Irrational? Perhaps. Ego-centric? Definitely. Petrifying? Totally.

To complicate things further, Sister has applied to go to a three month residential course which starts in March. This means that, if accepted, I'll either have to tell her in the next three weeks or wait three months (or, do nothing at all). If I leave it there's more danger of being outed. If I do it now...well I don't want to do it now. I do want it over with but I'm really in no mood for the repercussions at this juncture. I could leave her until she gets back and deal with my parents while she's away, giving them ample time to "get over it" and help me with her.

I admit I got very worked up at the prospect of possibly having my hand forced but on mature consideration I've come to realise the chances of getting outed are actually fairly slim. But even so. If she doesn't get into this course then she will be attending my campus one day a week to take a unit of study at my uni. This will mean the inevitable "where are you going?--to the library (but really to some gay group thing)" scenario.

Uni is supposed to be fun and carefree.