One down

Me: There's something I want to talk to you about.
Tía: Oh yes, what's that?
Me: Well I've been dancing around the issue for a week now, and I know you have your suspicions anyway, but I want to share it with you now before you hear it from someone else.
Tía: What do you want to share?
Me: Well what I want to share with you is ... I'm gay.
Tía: Darling, I thought you might be.

That's how I started the whole "I'm gay" conversation in my head.

Me: There's something I want to talk to you about.
Tía: Oh this sounds--
Me: I'm gay.
Tía: --interesting.
(silence)
Tía: Oh right.

That's what actually happened.

I had it all planned out but I was so anxious to get it over and done with that I just blurted it out. Although she was already suspicious, my sudden revelation took her quite by surprise.

Tía: How long have you known? Do your parents or Sister know?
Me: Well I've always kinda known, but it wasn't until about a year ago-no more like a year and a half-that I accepted it and came to terms with it. And no, they don't know. I'd like to tell them soon though, but I just don't know where to start.
Tía: Well don't do it like that; don't just blurt it out!
Me: I didn't mean to, I swear, it's just that if I didn't say it right away I would have piked out and gone to bed and kicked myself.

I had to get it out. I was so anxious; my stomach was turning all evening. Bee told me that Tía had asked her on Monday "Do you think Daniel could be gay?"--"I just don't know." she replied. This was after our weekend away up north. I had already decided to tell her before I knew of this conversation but once Bee told me I had my mind made up for me. I was determined.

To be honest, it wasn't as awkward as I expected it would be. Until ...

Tía: So this is like a journey I guess. So is this it for you? Or are you still working it all out? Or ...
Me: No. This is it. I'm gay.

Me: I know you suspected that I'm gay; Lala and Bee told me that you have asked them about it.
Tía: Well there have always been little things but I didn't want it to be so I pushed them aside.

Me: I think the reason that it took me so long to tell you is that I didn't know what your reaction would be.
Tía: You mean because of my faith?
Me: Yeh. But then Lala and Cal and everyone talked me into it and told me it would all be ok.
Tía: Well as far as I'm concerned, nothing has to change. It's not my issue or problem; it's your problem--if it even is a problem for you--it's between you and the Lord.
Me: I can deal with that.

Maybe I'm reading a little too far into that last statement. But I always knew she would have trouble with it. I always knew that she has a moral objection to homosexuality. But I also know she loves me. Obviously much more was said than I've reproduced here; on the whole it went pretty well, all things considered. I guess I have to wait and see what happens over the next few days. My ex-English teacher said to me "remember that their reaction is not your responsibility." I have to remember that I've had years to deal wth this, she's had hours.

I know it will be ok in the end.