I've still got sand in my shoes

I got home late last night from a holiday up the coast with Tía, Lala and Cal. Here's something I wrote on the beach on Sunday:

I’m writing this while sitting on the beach, using a notepad and pen—talk about nostalgic—while waves crash on one side and cicadas shriek on the other. Lala and Cal are out swimming and Tía is here with me reading and holding onto Roxie’s lead—Roxie is on heat and Lala isn’t ready to be a grandmother yet.

There’s something magical—for want of a better word—about beaches. I’ve always been mesmerised by them; to me they represent the epitome of God’s creation. Beaches bombard all the senses at once. I love sitting on the sand, watching the waves crash, smelling the briny air, feeling the warm breeze on my chest, hearing children laugh, tasting the salt spray.

I’ve been here, at Cal’s parents’ beach house, since Thursday night with Tía, Cal and Lala. It’s been so great to leave the banality of the everyday behind me and be in a new environment. With the small exception of forgetting to take my tablets on Saturday morning and consequently feeling like crap, it’s been a blast.

We set off at 6,30pm from Lala and Cal’s place—Cal and I in his ute; Lala and Tía in Lala’s mirage with Roxie on Tía’s lap. We made a quick stop at Maccas fro dinner—the perfect start to any holiday—and ate in a small reserve by the freeway. Tía ordered from the Deli Choices menu and was thoroughly impressed by her meal; Lala and I, on the other hand, were thoroughly underwhelmed with our pint sized burgers. Friday and Saturday were spent either at the beach or in the house watching DVDs and hanging out. Cal worked all day Friday but was able to take a break on the weekend and join in. Lala cut my hair on Friday and put some blond in it so I now look like a real surfy guy—if I only had the body to match I’d be perfect. On Saturday we journeyed north to Forster for lunch at the local club and some shopping. Today we spent the day at the beach swimming (I didn’t swim, I hate saltwater), reading, chatting, taking heaps of photos and covertly checking out the guys.

Today, Monday, I'm at Tía's place. I am so sun burnt. We all are. Lala looks like a tomato; Tía is so embarrassed after all the litanies she has given us about watching out for the sun our whole lives; Cal's back is red-raw; I'm burnt everywhere except where my boardshorts covered me. In our defense, it was cloudy and we were duped.

On the ride home from the holiday Cal and I talked about my coming out to the family, among other things. He thinks it'll be ok with Tía once she's given some time to process the information. We actually talked about quite a lot of things. I made a comment—"Sister probably won't talk to me once she knows, man"—which got us onto an interesting tangent. We were talking about how people either tend to have a moral objection or a stomach objection, the difference being that a moral objection means the person thinks homosexuality is morally wrong whereas a stomach objection means the person doesn't think it's wrong, but simply gets uncomfortable at the thought of two guys going at it. In Cal's own words, "I don't mind kissing or holding hands or whatever in public, like you should be able to do whatever straight couples can, but anything more than that ... (shudder)." So he falls into the latter category because it's simply that gay sex makes him uncomfortable although he doesn't see anything wrong with it—as long as he doesn't have to witness it. That was comforting and made me respect him more. Not so much because he feels that way (although I'm glad he does), but because he was honest enough to tell me.

I'm hoping to tell Tía that I'm gay this week. I'm very nervous about it, but at the same time I do feel a kind of peace. I'll let you know how I go.

I'm feeling the post-holiday letdown at the moment. After a weekend away with the crew I always feel life has less of a lustre about it than it did while we were away. It usually takes a few days to abate but I should be back to normal in time to go home and feel it all over again.

I'll post some funny pictures I took while we were away tomorrow. Until then, sleep well and WEAR SUNSCREEN!