The journey

"Hi, I'm Dan" I say.

"Hi Dan" says the group in front of me, as one.

This gives me more confidence. "I've been out of the closet for 279 days" I say proudly.

Ripples of approval move through the crowd: some say "you go boy", others say "good onya", a cute boy in the second row smiles at me. I blush.

"Sorta ..." I add.

Before I go any further in this missive, can I just point out how much I hate the term "come out". It just sounds stupid to me. Ok moving on.

I've been meaning to figure out exactly when I came out to Liz, the first person I told in real life that wasn't my dog (who, incidentally, just looked me in the eyes and continued not giving a shit - a precursor for what was to come). Luckily Liz is so much more organised than I am, and actually saved the conversation. And no, she didn't have a dictaphone in her pocket when I told her, it was on MSN. I hadn't planned on doing the "MSN confessional" thing, but we were talking one night and one thing led to another ... So while I was staying with her yesterday I emailed the file to myself.

On the evening of Sunday the 15th of January, 2006 we started chatting, as we often tend to do on evenings when we are both online. I don't know what we chatted to begin with because the chat archive begins at the moment of revelation:

Dan: ok here goes. something i want to tell u... i'm gay
Liz: i know
Dan: good
Liz: lol

I won't post anymore since it was a fairly intense and private chat, one which would likely be unintelligible if you aren't us. Hold on, one more funny part:

Liz: I'm sorry - i'm just having hysterics here...
Dan: good hysterics?
Liz: eyrn always used to say that she'd marry me if i grew a penis.... lol
Dan: so would i. you walked into that one
Liz: that's what i was laughing at!

It was a little anticlimactic to be honest. I don't know what I expected but awed silence would have been nice. But then who was I kidding? I mean really, it's difficult for me to pass as straight. How the FAL hasn't figured it out is beyond me.

But then when I told Lala, about 3 weeks later she swore black and blue that she hadn't figured it out. I guess family are too close to see what's in front of them, mistaking gayness for uniqueness.

Cal, on the other hand, figured it out fairly quickly. Which is funny, cos he has a shocking gaydar. For example one day the cute guy taking our order at Hungry Jacks was flirting quite noticeably with Cal (who in his naive way just chatted back all smiles). The cute boy could be forgiven for thinking he was flirting back. I was in silent hysterics. When we got to the car one of us said "Um.. Cal, that guy was flirting with you". "No way" he said. "Yes, baby, he was" Lala said. "He was just being friendly... right Dan?" I shook my head. "Oh well."

Reading the archive again, I remember how I felt at the time. I was petrified my family would find out. Now I'm just a little nervous but itching to get it out of the way.